In reality, it is not uncommon that conflicts may occur at anytime, in any place and in between anyone. People may have different stands and opinions, resulting in the occurrence of disagreement and even argument. I was deeply affected as there was a real case happening to my father recently.
My grandmother has been bed-ridden for about 4 years. She was used to be a strong and tough person. For these two years, she had been checking in and out of the hospital in the coma situation, mainly due to low blood glucose level. However, every time she would be fine after staying in the hospital for a few days. Although she is bed-ridden, she still has a good memory and is normal psychologically.
Several months ago, she was again admitted to the hospital. The doctor decided to insert a feeding tube into her nose as she was too weak to chew the food properly by herself. Since that day, my grandmother could only be fed with liquid food or milk. Besides that, her voice became softer and weaker. Every time she talks, we could barely hear or understand her words and it often makes us feel sad.
Recently, my grandmother was sent to the hospital again. Her condition seems worse compared to last time. She does not open her eyes even when we call her and her face looks pale. Everyone has gotten tired of the false alarm. However, this time, it seems like she is going to cross over soon. My father is caught in the dilemma as my aunts are asking to take off the feeding tube and bring my grandmother home. This is because according to the Chinese tradition, it is inauspicious to let the dying person to cross over in the hospital. However, my father holds a different opinion. He thinks that my grandmother would get better if she stays for a few more days in the hospital under the care of the nurses. The doctor did not say anything. He only said we could bring her back if we want. Henceforth, my father is feeling pressurized. He is the second son of my grandmother, but as he is the one with the highest educational level, my aunts and uncles would always ask for his opinion.
In the viewpoint of my aunts, they wanted to bring my grandmother home as they think that she is going to cross over soon judging from her condition. Moreover, they feel sad to see her going through all the pain. On the other hand, my father feels that every life is precious, even if it may seem that the life of laying on the bed everyday is meaningless and miserable. Henceforth, my father is unwilling to let her go.
Sometimes, I would wonder what was my grandmother’s thought and feeling about this. What would you do if you were my father in this situation? Would you have let my aunts in and allow them to bring my grandmother home? Could we give up a life since it is meaningless to continue the journey?
I am sorry about your grandmother. It is a dilemma your father is facing.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, if your family trust the doctors, I think it will be better for your grandmother to stay in, wait and see the progress of her condition. About the Chinese tradition, I think this is not the time for superstitions but to be more cautious instead.
And no, life is too precious to be given up. I believe as long as there is a way, one should pressed on.
Be strong!
Hi Sinhui, I hope you are feeling better now and I am very sorry to hear about your grandmother. In such a situation, I feel that nobody is at fault as I can see that all your aunts and uncles and needless to say your father cares tremendously about your grandmother and wants the best for her. I feel that it is more the case of your aunts fearing that your grandmother would not have a peace of mind dying in an unfamiliar environment that they insisted on bringing her home rather then because they are superstitious. They may think that it is best if she passes away in the comfort and privacy of her house, under the care of her loved ones.
ReplyDeleteIn such a situation, and in the case where ONLY she is really at her death – bed, hard as it might be, if I were your father I would bring her home. In such a delicate time where everybody is hurting, I feel that the most important matter is to keep in mind the comfort of your grandmother. I personally feel that most people would chose to die in the familiar environment of their own house with their love ones beside them, accompanying them in their last passage of this journey called life. In order to ensure proper medical care is afforded to your grandmother, I would engage in palliative home care services thus ensuring that your grandmother is well taken care of. This would ensure that the concerns of both your aunts and father are well taken care of.
I feel that this is not necessary the case where your aunts think it is meaningless to carry on living and that life is no longer precious, but rather death is an inevitable part of life cycle and when the time do comes, it is best to die peacefully rather then holding on in vain. Your grandmother have lived a fulfilling life seeing that she is such a touch and strong person and raised her many children and her life is not meaningless at all.
Although in reality life is always a lot more complicated and coupled with emotions, there is no hard and fast rule to handle the passing of a loved one – to witness the passing of a loved one is never easy.
Best regards
Valerie