This email is about the Career Fair and some of the details of it.
From: NUS Career Fair Services
Subject: Exciting Updates You Want to Note! @ NUS Career Fair 2009 (12&13 Feb 09)
Dear Students
By now, with all the NUS Career Fair 2009 publicity around campus in full force (eg banners, buntings, emails, tabloids etc), we trust you are gearing up for this once-a-year major recruitment event!!!
In our last email, we mentioned all the NEW things that we have included at this Fair and why you must not miss it. In this email, we want to further highlight 3 exciting initiatives and why you should get involved!!
1. INDUSTRY AND CAREER TALKS
- 14 talks over 2 days
- Distinguished speakers from reputable companies - Electronic Arts Asia, Kelly Services, Singapore National Employers Federation, Spring Singapore and even our very own NUS Career Centre and NUS Entrepreneurship Centre
- Wide range of relevant topics - from realities of the current employment market, employers’ expectations, opportunities in various industries to coping with rejection and adversity
Knowledge is power! Print a copy of the Talks Schedule and attend these talks. It will definitely be worth your while to come and learn from these experts.
2. STUDENT AMBASSADORS @ OPENING CEREMONY
- 12 Feb 09, Thu, 9.30am – 10.30am (only 1 hour!)
- Rare opportunity to host VIPs and participating employers of the Fair
- Network and receive undivided attention from the employers
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Only students who meet the mark will be given this golden opportunity. Register immediately. All successful students will be given an intensive briefing to prepare well for the role.
3. NUS CAREER FAIR 2009 ON PODCASTS & YOUTUBE!!
- Convenience at your fingertips! First time ever, access links to our Podcasts on http://nuss.wordpress.com.
- Listen to the premiere episode of the NUS Career Center Podcasting Program, ‘How Can I Find a Job?’ with Ms Corrine Ong, Director (NUS
- Stay tuned for another segment on ‘How to Make a Good First Impression at the Career Fair’ available from next week onwards.
- You will also be able to view the NUS Career Fair highlights on our Youtube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/NUSCareerCenter during and after the Fair.
In addition, the NUS Career Centre is also on FACEBOOK! Add ‘NUS Career Centre’ as one of your Facebook groups and receive notification on events and career opportunities.
The NUS CAREER FAIR 2009 is not to be missed! Come down to MPSH 1, 2 and 4, 10am – 5pm, on 12 & 13 February 2009! We will see you there.
Best regards
The NUS Career Centre
This emailer is brought to you in conjunction with the NUS Career Centre Yusof Ishak House, Level 1, 31 Lower Kent Ridge Road, Singapore 119078 :: 65-6516 1385(DID) : 65-6774 4463 (Fax) : careers@nus.edu.sg (E) : www.nus.edu.sg/osa/career (W)
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In my opinion, overall, the tone of this email is appropriate and courteous. It uses many positive wordings and phrases to encourage the students to go for the event. For example, “It will definitely be worth your while to come and learn from these experts”.
Meanwhile, the ideas in this email are presented in a clear and concise way. The sentences are clear-cut and straight to the point. In addition, they are not too long for the readers to read and understand.
In addition, since this email is for a general readership, less rigid conventions of informal English are used. However, some of the ideas in this email are not expressed in complete sentences. This is probably done deliberately to attract the attention of the readers, as long sentences may cause them to miss the main idea of the topic.
Besides that, the ideas are linked in an orderly fashion, where the ideas under the same subtopic are relevant and could lead to the next idea to express the theme.
In the email, it mentioned about the many job opportunities that were opened to Student Ambassadors of previous career fairs in order to convince the students to register for it in the coming career fairs. However, it did not provide a specific figure as to the percentage of the students who had managed to get the job through the experience of becoming a Student Ambassador. Therefore, the reason may not be sufficient to convince all the students.
Overall, this email is thoroughly complete with adequate information presented in a clear and concise way for the readers to understand.
Hi there!
ReplyDeletei agree with you that the email is more catered to the student population, as such, more informal tones (words were in capital to highlight emphasis), phrasing and sentencing were used instead of the more formal business correspondence format. In the context of this email and its intended readers i guess its ok?
Instead of lengthy sentences, details were listed out in point form. I believe it would aid students in easier reading of the email as compared to long paragraphs, as students are an impatient bunch in general. (haha)
In general, the email was clear and logically structured to provide with key points and notes of the career fair. However, i agree with jialing that the the email serves only as a brief introduction of the highlights of the career talk, and slightly more information could be provided to aid in its concreteness.
Cheers,
Woei Perng
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHellO!
ReplyDeleteTo Woei Perng: Why is my name there? Hmmm..
Ooo, I must have missed out on this email :p haha. Yup, I agree that the method of presentation of the dreary subject is a good approach. By presenting it in an informal way, it is likely to attract students' attention.
Now that you have mentioned about the Student Ambassadors part, I see that they did not mention specifically who gets the job? I feel that this is a very subjective matter, hence that is why there is no straight-forward answer. Besides, the figure may be so low that we, general student body, may be de-moralised. So, to keep our spirits high, they could have omit that part out.
Generally, the email provides sufficient information to give the students clear overview of the career fair and the happenings before that.
Overall, this is a clear email that sets the right tone, aimed at its target audience. :)
Hi, everyone! Thank you for your comments. I agree with Woei Perng that it should be fine to have the informal phrasing and sentencing in the context of this email and its intended readers. Maybe it was like what Jialing had said,as it is likely to attract students' attention by presenting the ideas in point forms.
ReplyDeleteThe Careers Centre email is good. The only way I think it could be improved would be to list one by one employers, the topics of the talks etc. below. This would make the information immediately visible and easier to remember than when merged with the rest of their respective paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteDo you plan to attend?
Mrs Richardson
Dear Mrs Richardson,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your comments! I agree with your opinion. The email only provided the links to the employer list and the talk schedule. However, I think that the email might be a bit too long if they were to list out the employers one by one. On the other hand, I think that maybe they could list out the topics of the talks in the email to make things clearer.
As for the NUS Career Fair, I did go for it on last Thursday with my friends. However, it seems that there were fewer companies compared to last year.
Hi Sinhui,
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late comments. I just realized that my comments did not register on your blog. I was going to reply on Wanliang’s comment when I did not see my first comment on his blog. Hence I double checked everybody in my blogging group to only realize my comments was not uploaded successful in Wanliang’s and your blog.
Overall I find the email to be effective as it gives the NUS student a quick notice on the upcoming events in campus. It does not load the students with lengthy details; giving bite – sized information to them.
However I personally feel that the clarity of the message can be further improved by emboldening important dates, times and venues of the events. This will capture a student’s attention and highlight the important information.
In addition, more details can be given e.g. through websites for the events. For example, the event on student ambassadors @ NUS stated that only students which meet the mark will be accepted. However it failed to state what exactly the “mark” is and this might hinder potential students from applying for fear of not meeting the “mark”
Thanks and I apologize for my late comments once again.
Regards
Valerie Wong
Hi, Valerie.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments!
I do agree with you that more details can be given regarding the requirements to become a student ambassador. In my opinion,I think that the "mark" may refer to the interview. Therefore, only students who pass the interview will be selected as the student ambassadors.
Regards,
Sin Hui